Man, this year has been a doozy so far. That goes without saying. The world is not okay, and most of us are barely keeping our heads above water. So I guess, the question is, how do we get through this?
First of all, what is the "this"? You name it. Crazy pandemic. Fucked up politics. People dying and being harmed everywhere you turn. Being stuck in our homes. Having to change our lives as we know them. Pick one, pick them all. Our world is so divided. The smallest things are causing giant controversies. Wear a mask in a public place? Either you are cool with it or you feel like the government is taking away your rights. There isn't one thing popping up in the world right now that isn't causing division.
HOW DO WE GET THROUGH THIS?
I have an answer. Just one answer, and I'm sure there are so many more. It is so hard not to get caught up in all the vitriol, and honestly, I get caught up in things all the time. I have very strong convictions and I don't particularly think I need to be quiet about them. While I disagree with some things quite vehemently, and support other things wholeheartedly, I think my answer can help me survive this craziness.
Here it is:
Grace.
Empathy.
Compassion.
There's never going to be a time when we need less of these three things. I disagree with people who think funding big business over funding schools is a good decision. I disagree with people who think privatizing hospitals is a good idea. I disagree with people who want to take away the rights of others. These things are happening in my world everywhere I turn. How can I not get caught up in all the anger and divisiveness? I can try to have a little grace, empathy and compassion for my fellow humans. Does that mean I will stop fighting for what I believe is right? Not a fucking chance. But, it does mean that I can go about what I do with the understanding in mind that everyone else is also trying to get by in a very difficult world. The more grace I can show those who disagree with me, the more empathy I can have for them, and the more compassion I can give them, the less rage I feel with the current state of affairs.
Showing grace, empathy and compassion isn't necessarily about those I disagree with. It isn't necessarily for those I am fighting against. It's actually for me! I need to be able to find some solace, happiness and satisfaction in life. And man, life is hard right now.
So, what is showing grace? Firstly, I have to make a choice to not to take things personally. I have to try to figure out why people do what they do, say what they say and feel what they feel. That's a tough one, but honestly, it feels better understanding that people's motivations are usually the same as my own. The next step to having grace is learning that I can choose to forgive people who I feel have wronged me. I've lived a long time understanding that forgiveness is essential for my peace of mind. It is the letting go of anger or hurt and choosing to move forward instead of dwelling in those feelings. It DOES NOT mean that relationships continue as normal. I've encountered several situations with friends and people in my life where I have felt hurt, angered or alienated by their actions or words. For my own self-preservation, I won't hold onto those feelings, but also for self-preservation, I will likely keep those people at arm's length from now on. If I have distanced from someone, there is probably a reason for it. Maybe it is just that life gets in the way, but more likely, I have put someone at arm's length because I refuse to feel the hurt, anger or pain that goes along with interacting with that person. Forgiveness and grace is a choice, and it actually takes some work and conscious decisions.
Empathy...compassion... how about these things? Having empathy is trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes, feel what they feel. Having compassion is giving a shit about others. These two things go hand in hand. I can have empathy for you and disagree with you. I would argue that people have more in common than they have differences. We are all just trying to get by, and doing what we think is best for our own situations. That's what it comes down to. That's it. Vilifying people because they are on the opposite side of an issue really doesn't get us anywhere. You know what does? Listening to others. Hearing others. Having compassion for others. When we do this, we do not sink into pettiness and bickering. We actually lead by example.
I have always believed that if I live my life in such a way that I leave more positive in my wake than negative, that positivity will continue on its trajectory and move into the world. If I walk through life in such a way that my presence makes someone else's day a little better, then that light moves on into others. Empathy is exponential, guys.
So here it is. Life is SO hard right now. None of us can see what will happen next. None of us knows when or even if life my return to normal. Not one of us is immune from the intense pressures of life in this moment, the divisiveness of the world, or the uncertainty of the future. We are all struggling. And with that knowledge, maybe we can give one another a break every now and again and have a look at what positive things we can. Let's all have a little grace, empathy and compassion.
